Love is a flame that burns in our heart.
I have been a member of the United Church of Canada since birth. The most important lesson I have learned from the United Church is the challenge to
Love God, Self and Neighbour.
When Robert Ashton called for people to form an Affirm team, I thought long and hard. For all my life, good friends, close relatives and supportive coworkers, who identify as LGBTQ2, have been an important part of my life. But I have always been a quiet companion. I thought, Kathy, sometimes you need to step up, stand beside your friends and not be so quiet. I realized now was the time!
Being a member of Kanata United’s Affirm Leadership Team has and is the best and most worthwhile initiative I have been part of over my 66 years with the United Church of Canada!
So why did I join? I joined to learn how to be a more accepting person, to be a good ally to LGBTQ2 folk, help build an accepting community, be a member of an intentionally inclusive church that welcomes all!
When I had the honor of walking with many United Church folk in the PRIDE parade this August, one church member had a sign that read
Love is Love is Love!
I believe God wants me to Love God, Self and Neighbour. And Love is Love is Love!
Love is a flame that burns in our heart.
Jesus has come and will never depart.*
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
Information and resources for the people of Kanata United Church, as we continue our journey as an Affirming congregation.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Sunday, December 15, 2019
Advent 3 - Joy
One of the scripture readings for this third Sunday in Advent is Isaiah 35:1-10. It is all about joy.
The reading reminds one of the joy of this year’s Pride Parade. Contrasting with the day-to-day lives of LGBTQ2+ people - having to avoid holding hands or share a caring and loving glance - at the Parade everyone was wearing bright colours and singing and dancing, so happy to celebrate being themselves - no shame, no fear, just being.
From Isaiah 35: 1-2, “...The desert shall rejoice and blossom; like the crocus it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing".
We United Church marchers with church banners flying and ministerial collars showing, saw a great welcome at Pride- so many people thrilled to see a church that welcomes them, accepts them as they are. What a joy to humbly do as Isaiah asks in 35:4, "Say to those who are of a fearful heart, 'Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God.'"
God of joy and exultation,
you strengthen what is weak;
you enrich the poor
and give hope to those who live in fear.
Look upon our needs this day.
Make us grateful for the good news of salvation
and keep us faithful in your service
until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who lives for ever and ever. Amen*
*Vanderbilt Divinity Library. The Revised Common Lectionary. Prayer for the Third Sunday of Advent. https://lectionary.library.vanderbilt.edu/prayers.php?id=3
Joy is a song that welcomes the dawn,
Telling the world that the Saviour is born.*
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
The reading reminds one of the joy of this year’s Pride Parade. Contrasting with the day-to-day lives of LGBTQ2+ people - having to avoid holding hands or share a caring and loving glance - at the Parade everyone was wearing bright colours and singing and dancing, so happy to celebrate being themselves - no shame, no fear, just being.
From Isaiah 35: 1-2, “...The desert shall rejoice and blossom; like the crocus it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing".
We United Church marchers with church banners flying and ministerial collars showing, saw a great welcome at Pride- so many people thrilled to see a church that welcomes them, accepts them as they are. What a joy to humbly do as Isaiah asks in 35:4, "Say to those who are of a fearful heart, 'Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God.'"
God of joy and exultation,
you strengthen what is weak;
you enrich the poor
and give hope to those who live in fear.
Look upon our needs this day.
Make us grateful for the good news of salvation
and keep us faithful in your service
until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who lives for ever and ever. Amen*
*Vanderbilt Divinity Library. The Revised Common Lectionary. Prayer for the Third Sunday of Advent. https://lectionary.library.vanderbilt.edu/prayers.php?id=3
Joy is a song that welcomes the dawn,
Telling the world that the Saviour is born.*
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Advent 2 - Peace
Holy one,
May Your peace surround me,
May Your peace be shown through me,
May Your peace extend throughout the world.
Amen
When I was asked to write an advent message for the KUC affirm blog I didn’t know what to say. I don’t just mean should I do it or not but that I didn’t know what I could say, what I should say. I am married, with children and grandchildren. I am a registered Early Childhood Educator and worked with very young children for a very long time and I felt I didn’t have enough personal life experience with the LGBTQIA2s+ community to comment. However like the prophets of old I thought I heard ‘yes, you’. I am a member of KUC and I am in support of KUC becoming an affirming congregation, so here is my peace dialogue for advent.
My previous United Church of Canada congregation in Winnipeg is an affirming congregation. It became one over twenty years ago. That wasn’t a big change for our church- we still had the same church, same people, same music, same symbols of worship, cross, font, and Bible. The changes were small-rainbows on the outside door, a rainbow banner as you enter the building. We could say we were welcoming to everyone and that this was a congregation that accepted you for yourself, be welcome and worship with us.
My advent hope for peace is that KUC will be a light that shines in the dark so that all who come to KUC will know immediately that they are welcome and this is a place where they may find peace and safety. Our rainbow Christ candles, banners and mission statement will be in evidence and everyone will know that this is a safe place. No one need enter our doors and worry that they will be rejected, hurt or criticized. Without having to say anything it will be easily recognizable that here are the symbols of inclusion and here is peace and safety. I believe that affirming will mean inclusion for absolutely everyone and I know that KUC also hopes for this for anyone wishing to attend and that we are a congregation seeking our Creator’s wholeness, inclusion and justice.
The Advent peace candle and the signs of an affirming congregation show that anyone can safely walk through these doors and be affirmed and welcomed exactly as they are and who they are. The outward visible symbols will show that KUC has made a public, intentional and explicit statement that we support members of the LGBTQIA2s+ and their loved ones. Here there will be acceptance and peace and safety. Really, it is only what we all desire and are striving for- that this church should be a place where we can be loved, accepted and welcomed just as we are, just as God had made us and named us, wholly, beautifully and wondrously.
“Peace is a ribbon that circles the earth, giving the promise of safety and worth”*
The Affirm Leadership Team would like to thank Kathi Campbell for answering the call for a meditation on Peace for our Advent Series.
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
Sunday, December 1, 2019
Advent 1 - Hope
Many years, during Advent, we sing “Hope is a star, that shines in the night, leading us on till the morning is bright.”*
In Ontario, parents may ask their children to leave their home at the age of 16, if the child doesn’t agree to follow the parents’ rules. Many young people, when they reveal to their parents that they are gay, are asked to leave if they refuse to give up what the parents believe to be a sinful life. Often, parents are advised by their religious leaders that they must adopt this stance, either to “protect” the other children in the home, or to force the young people to conform to the norms of the parents’ religious group.
Many young people choose to leave. In Ottawa, it is estimated that 1,500 young people are homeless. LGBTQ2+ youth represent as much as 40% of these. Many of these young people cannot or will not go to shelters. Some shelters have a minimum age of 18. LGBTQ2+ young people also fear violence from homophobia in shelters. So they live on the streets. Hope is hard to find in that situation.
Barak Obama said “This is our first task - caring for our children. If we don’t get that right, we don’t get anything right. That’s how, as a society, we will be judged.”
My hope, this Advent, is that every child be warm, safe, and cared for. May the star of Hope show us the way to making this happen.
Information for this post came from this article:
https://charlatan.ca/2017/12/youth-homelessness-in-ottawa-the-most-at-risk-people-in-the-capital/
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
In Ontario, parents may ask their children to leave their home at the age of 16, if the child doesn’t agree to follow the parents’ rules. Many young people, when they reveal to their parents that they are gay, are asked to leave if they refuse to give up what the parents believe to be a sinful life. Often, parents are advised by their religious leaders that they must adopt this stance, either to “protect” the other children in the home, or to force the young people to conform to the norms of the parents’ religious group.
Many young people choose to leave. In Ottawa, it is estimated that 1,500 young people are homeless. LGBTQ2+ youth represent as much as 40% of these. Many of these young people cannot or will not go to shelters. Some shelters have a minimum age of 18. LGBTQ2+ young people also fear violence from homophobia in shelters. So they live on the streets. Hope is hard to find in that situation.
Barak Obama said “This is our first task - caring for our children. If we don’t get that right, we don’t get anything right. That’s how, as a society, we will be judged.”
My hope, this Advent, is that every child be warm, safe, and cared for. May the star of Hope show us the way to making this happen.
Information for this post came from this article:
https://charlatan.ca/2017/12/youth-homelessness-in-ottawa-the-most-at-risk-people-in-the-capital/
* "Hope is a Star" - by Brian Wren, Voices United #7
Tuesday, October 15, 2019
Why am I On the Affirm Leadership Team? - Kathy Beamish
I have been a
member of the United Church of Canada
since birth. The most important lesson I have learned
from the United
Church is the challenge to
Love God, Self and Neighbour.
When Robert Ashton
called for people to form an Affirm team, I thought long and hard. For all my life, good friends, close
relatives and supportive coworkers, who identify as LGBTQ2, have been an
important part of my life. But I have
always been a quiet companion. I
thought, Kathy, sometimes you need to step up, stand beside your friends and
not be so quiet. I realized now was the
time!
Being a member of
Kanata United’s Affirm Leadership Team has and is the best and most worthwhile initiative
I have been part of over my 66 years with the United Church of Canada!
So why did I
join? I joined to
- -
learn
how to be a more accepting person
-
- be a
good ally to LGBTQ2 folk
-
- help
build an accepting community
-
- be a
member of an intentionally inclusive church
-
- enjoy
and welcome all!
When I had the
honor of walking with many United Church folk in the PRIDE parade this August,
one church member had a sign that read
Love is Love is Love!
I believe God wants
me to Love God, Self and Neighbour. And Love is Love is Love!
Monday, September 30, 2019
The Story of a Parent's Transition and A Son's Redemption
Paula Stone Williams and her son Jonathan share the story of what transition meant to their family, in this TED Talk. https://youtu.be/9NZCWeBNPeE
Thanks to Janette Linkletter for bringing this video to our attention. Paula's book, "She's My Dad" is available in the KUC library along with many other books on LGBTQ2+ subjects. Look for the rainbows on the book spines.
If you see something that you would like at share with the Affirm Leadership Team, and the wider KUC community, please email us at affirm@kuc.ca .
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
In Memory of Matthew Shepard
Nearly 21 years ago, a twenty-one year old University of Wyoming student was brutally murdered because of his sexual orientation. He had been meeting with other LGBT friends and allies to plan an LGBT awareness event at the university, and stopped at a bar for a beer on the way home. Two men he met in the bar, beat him and left him tied to a fence in a secluded area, where he was found the following evening, and died in hospital five days later. His funeral was targeted and protested by members of Westboro Baptist Church.
Matthew Shepard was a Christian, son, brother, and friend. His senseless death caught the attention of many. He wanted to make the world a better place.
His life moved his parents to create the Matthew Shepard Foundation. The Foundation's mission is to erase hate in the world. You can find more information about the foundation here:
His life moved his parents to create the Matthew Shepard Foundation. The Foundation's mission is to erase hate in the world. You can find more information about the foundation here:
https://www.matthewshepard.org/
Sadly, many in the LGBTQ community still need to be mindful of their safety, and always be vigilant, especially around strangers.
Sadly, many in the LGBTQ community still need to be mindful of their safety, and always be vigilant, especially around strangers.
This week's anthem is a tribute to Matthew Shepard, and Josh has provided some background material for us.
From Josh:
The choral anthems this month are written by LGBTQ2I+ composers
to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the decriminalization of
homosexuality in June 1969. On September 8, we heard "Creation of
Peace," by Mark Miller, a Methodist composer from the United States
working towards acceptance of all sexual orientations and gender
expressions in the United Methodist Church. This past week, Mari
Esabel Valverde, a trans woman from Texas, shared her song, "United in
Peace: An Anthem for Our Time," giving voice to the possibility of
shared values in our world today. This week, the Adult Choir will be
joined by soloist Grayson Nesbitt for an offering of "The Innocence" by
Craig Hella Johnson. This piece is part of a larger work, Considering Matthew Shepard,
which Johnson wrote in 2016 as a tribute to Matthew Shepard. The entire
work was performed this past October when Shepard's ashes were interred
in the crypt of the Washington National Cathedral.
Johnson
writes this about "The Innocence": "At its core, it is a song about
remembering our original state of being, our original happiness. In a
challenging world, we live lives of forgetting who we are, with many
layers of stress and anxiety. The Innocence, in its intentional simplicity, calls us to remembrance... May your singing of The Innocence be a warm, communal experience of coming together and listening for the quiet, ancient voice within."
When I think of all the times the world was ours for dreaming,
When I think of all the times the earth seemed like our home—
Every heart alive with its own longing, every future we could ever hope to hold.
All the times our laughter rang in summer, all the times the rivers sang our tune—
Was there already sadness in the sunlight? Some stormy story waiting to be told?
Where O where has the innocence gone?
Where O where has it gone?
Vows we once swore, now it’s just this letting go, Where O where has it gone?
Rains rolling down wash away my memory; Where O where has it gone?
When I think of all the joys, the wonders we remember
All the treasures we believed we’d never ever lose.
Too many days gone by without their meaning, too many darkened hours without their peace.
Where O where has the innocence gone? Where O where has it gone?
Vows we once swore, now it’s just this letting go, Where O where has it gone?
When I think of all the times the earth seemed like our home—
Every heart alive with its own longing, every future we could ever hope to hold.
All the times our laughter rang in summer, all the times the rivers sang our tune—
Was there already sadness in the sunlight? Some stormy story waiting to be told?
Where O where has the innocence gone?
Where O where has it gone?
Vows we once swore, now it’s just this letting go, Where O where has it gone?
Rains rolling down wash away my memory; Where O where has it gone?
When I think of all the joys, the wonders we remember
All the treasures we believed we’d never ever lose.
Too many days gone by without their meaning, too many darkened hours without their peace.
Where O where has the innocence gone? Where O where has it gone?
Vows we once swore, now it’s just this letting go, Where O where has it gone?
Monday, August 19, 2019
Pride Parade - Why We March
I had attended numerous Pride Parades in Ottawa as a younger person and so I was excited to see what it would be like these days. It was more meaningful than I could have imagined.
I went to walk in the parade with the Kanata United Affirm Leadership Team. We gathered near Argyle and Bank streets in front of Centretown United Church where many members of other Ottawa United Churches were gathering.
The street scene was festive and busy with hundreds of people arriving and preparing to walk or to watch. First United and Riverside United had long banners to be held up as their members walked along. Sounds of various bands rang through the air. Cindy greeted various fellow ministers and we got to know our fellow church goers. It was very exciting and so joyous!
Walking in the parade with the United Church members was such a wonderful experience. Bright colours, music, dancing and shouts of joy filled the air. To our surprise, as we walked along, throngs of people along the sides broke out smiling broadly, clapping and shouting "hurrah" as they saw our church banners and ourselves including Cindy who was wearing her white collar.
Clearly our support of LGBTQ2+ diversity and freedom was significant to many of those watching the parade - LGBTQ2 members, their allies, the curious and the appreciative. For the rest of the year LGBTQ2 people live with the uncertainty of being accepted at home, at work, at school and at church.
I look forward to this year's Parade and hope that lots of Kanata United members will join members of the Affirm Leadership Team in the fun and such an important cause. We will be car pooling from the Church after the service, Sunday, August 25. We will be meeting up with other United Church members for the local area, at Centretown United Church. We have rainbow pins, stickers and bracelets to help you show your PRIDE.
Update:
The KUC contingent at Pride 2019
We had such a good time, meeting other United Church Folk and showing our pride!
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Conversion Therapy - Why is this in the news?
The Prime Minister recently announced that the federal government would be looking into changes in the criminal code to stop groups from offering "conversion therapy".
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/conversion-therapy-criminal-code-1.5204919
Conversion therapy seeks to change a person's sexual orientation and "convert" gay, lesbian, or bisexual persons into hetrosexuals. This practice has been shown not to work and to cause harm.
At present, it is banned in Ontario, Manitoba, and Nova Scotia.
More information can be found here:
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/conversion-therapy-what-you-need-to-know-1.5209598
In the past, the federal government had said that the banning of conversion therapy was a provincial and territorial responsibility. Here are some of the legal challenges that may hamper banning this practice.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/conversion-therapy-ban-federal-government-1.5205696
Conversion therapy was the subject of the book "Boy Erased" by Garrard Conley. A movie by the same name, based on the book was released in 2018. The book is available from the church library. The movie is available from several streaming services and as a DVD from the Ottawa Public Library.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/conversion-therapy-criminal-code-1.5204919
Conversion therapy seeks to change a person's sexual orientation and "convert" gay, lesbian, or bisexual persons into hetrosexuals. This practice has been shown not to work and to cause harm.
At present, it is banned in Ontario, Manitoba, and Nova Scotia.
More information can be found here:
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/conversion-therapy-what-you-need-to-know-1.5209598
In the past, the federal government had said that the banning of conversion therapy was a provincial and territorial responsibility. Here are some of the legal challenges that may hamper banning this practice.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/conversion-therapy-ban-federal-government-1.5205696
Conversion therapy was the subject of the book "Boy Erased" by Garrard Conley. A movie by the same name, based on the book was released in 2018. The book is available from the church library. The movie is available from several streaming services and as a DVD from the Ottawa Public Library.
Thursday, June 27, 2019
In Support of Ladner United Church
https://bc.ctvnews.ca/it-s-very-hurtful-pride-flag-defaced-outside-ladner-church-again-1.4469037
I was thinking how sad this was and thinking I needed to pass this on to the other members of the Affirm Team.
Then I heard the man at the next table say to his dining companion “Why in hell would a church have a flag like THAT.”
My first response was to throw my coffee at him, but thought better of it. After all we needed a place to stay for a few more nights. Instead, I sat and steamed.
Now that I have had time to think about this, I would like to tell that gentleman why a church would have a flag like that. It is because we are called to love our neighbours. It is an open sign of loving support for the LGBTQ2+ community and a sign to all that this is a safe place.
I will be writing a letter of support to Ladner United Church. I will have it at church on Sunday, if anyone else would like to sign the letter. If you won't be there on sunday, send us an email and I will add your name to the letter. affirm@kuc.ca
As we seek to become an affirming church, may we have the courage to show the community what we believe.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Affirm - A Parents Perspective
Awhile ago, I was asked why I felt called to participate in the Affirm process. I realized that I had never been fully open about why I feel I must be involved.
I am a Mama Bear. I belong to a loosely organized group of Christian Mothers of LGBTQ+ children. We call ourselves Mama Bears because we want to protect our children from anyone who might hurt them.
I am the proud mother of the Vice President of Pride in his community. He has become a social justice warrior for the LGBTQ community in the Maritimes, working to fight conversion therapy and homelessness. He also really enjoys helping at the Safe Spaces teen dances, where he provides health care information and first aid as required.
For many mothers, their own first response to learning that their child is gay or transgender, is a belief their child will go to hell. Their church has told them that homosexuality is a sin. That gender is either male or female, and determined by God at birth, or before, and no one has the right to change that. Many have to leave behind their friends and their church to find a place where they can protect their family.
I am lucky. When my son finally decided that he could “come out” to his parents, we were already in a place where, for our family, it was no big deal. We both knew gays and lesbians and we understood that this was the way people were born, not a lifestyle choice.
Unfortunately, the United Church was in the midst of debating whether we should sanctify same sex marriage. I had already lived through, and been shocked by some attitudes, during our struggles to confirm LGBT ordination. I feared that my family would be hurt by the words of those who still felt that sexual orientation was a life style choice.
I chose the coward’s route. I felt a strong need to protect my son and myself. So, I suggested that my sons, both members of this church, enter into the discussions, without making it personal. On the day of the vote, I managed to be out of town, at a meeting of a charity I was working for. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and the family agreed that it was better if I wasn’t there. We had agreed as a family that we would quietly leave Kanata United Church if the congregation chose not to sanctify same sex marriage.
You see, when you are the parent of a gay child, you often have no idea who you can tell without being hurt. You really don’t want to hear what other people think. You love your child and they are no different today then they were before they announced that they were gay. You fear that child will be bullied or worse, because of who they are. The last place you want to see them bullied is at church, in the name of Christianity. However, I wouldn’t want him to be anyone other than who he is.
When we talk about safe spaces, we are talking about safe spaces for everyone. Parents and grandparents, siblings and friends of the LGBTQ2+ need to feel they can talk about their family members openly.
I am older now. I am somewhat stronger now. I am a proud Mama Bear. I am the mother of two sons. I am the mother-in-law of their partners. I am Nana to a wonderful grandson, and to 6 furbabies. I love them all and want to protect them from the world.
In 2017, when there was an appeal for volunteers to guide the Affirm process, I felt called to stand up and say that this is what I want for my sons, their partners and especially for my grandson. I want my church to be an open, inclusive, affirming congregation. I want it to be a place where parents aren’t afraid to tell their church friends that their child is in a same sex relationship. Or that their child is a transgender person. I want every child to be celebrated for who they are, and Kanata United to be a safe space for all.
I am a Mama Bear. I belong to a loosely organized group of Christian Mothers of LGBTQ+ children. We call ourselves Mama Bears because we want to protect our children from anyone who might hurt them.
I am the proud mother of the Vice President of Pride in his community. He has become a social justice warrior for the LGBTQ community in the Maritimes, working to fight conversion therapy and homelessness. He also really enjoys helping at the Safe Spaces teen dances, where he provides health care information and first aid as required.
For many mothers, their own first response to learning that their child is gay or transgender, is a belief their child will go to hell. Their church has told them that homosexuality is a sin. That gender is either male or female, and determined by God at birth, or before, and no one has the right to change that. Many have to leave behind their friends and their church to find a place where they can protect their family.
I am lucky. When my son finally decided that he could “come out” to his parents, we were already in a place where, for our family, it was no big deal. We both knew gays and lesbians and we understood that this was the way people were born, not a lifestyle choice.
Unfortunately, the United Church was in the midst of debating whether we should sanctify same sex marriage. I had already lived through, and been shocked by some attitudes, during our struggles to confirm LGBT ordination. I feared that my family would be hurt by the words of those who still felt that sexual orientation was a life style choice.
I chose the coward’s route. I felt a strong need to protect my son and myself. So, I suggested that my sons, both members of this church, enter into the discussions, without making it personal. On the day of the vote, I managed to be out of town, at a meeting of a charity I was working for. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and the family agreed that it was better if I wasn’t there. We had agreed as a family that we would quietly leave Kanata United Church if the congregation chose not to sanctify same sex marriage.
You see, when you are the parent of a gay child, you often have no idea who you can tell without being hurt. You really don’t want to hear what other people think. You love your child and they are no different today then they were before they announced that they were gay. You fear that child will be bullied or worse, because of who they are. The last place you want to see them bullied is at church, in the name of Christianity. However, I wouldn’t want him to be anyone other than who he is.
When we talk about safe spaces, we are talking about safe spaces for everyone. Parents and grandparents, siblings and friends of the LGBTQ2+ need to feel they can talk about their family members openly.
I am older now. I am somewhat stronger now. I am a proud Mama Bear. I am the mother of two sons. I am the mother-in-law of their partners. I am Nana to a wonderful grandson, and to 6 furbabies. I love them all and want to protect them from the world.
In 2017, when there was an appeal for volunteers to guide the Affirm process, I felt called to stand up and say that this is what I want for my sons, their partners and especially for my grandson. I want my church to be an open, inclusive, affirming congregation. I want it to be a place where parents aren’t afraid to tell their church friends that their child is in a same sex relationship. Or that their child is a transgender person. I want every child to be celebrated for who they are, and Kanata United to be a safe space for all.
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Homelessness and LGBTQ2 Young People
In April, Broadview, (formerly the United Church of Canada’s Observer), published an article on this concern. Alex Abramovich was interviewed for the article. He is a CAMH researcher and U. of T. professor and has been studying the young street-involved population in Canada for 10 years. As a result of his work, change is slowly beginning to happen.
Homophobia and transphobia at home and at school result in verbal and physical attacks which cause many LGBTQ2 youth to leave home. In the majority of shelters, they experience the same kinds of bullying and violence so that they resort to living on the street as a safer place.
Abramovich’s research has contributed to two significant actions: a shelter in Toronto being assigned as an LGBTQ2 youth shelter and the former provincial government of Alberta starting a committee for academics, government officials and leaders from youth service organizations to tackle the problem there. It is becoming clear that any attempt to deal with homelessness in our cities must address LGBTQ2 youth homelessness and the phobias and bullying that contribute to it. Continued progress will depend on the will of Canadians and, significantly, Canadian politicians, to support vulnerable minorities such as LGBTQ2 youth.
For the Broadview article and further readings see:
https://broadview.org/researcher-tackles-homelessness-among-lgbtq2-youth/
Homophobia and transphobia at home and at school result in verbal and physical attacks which cause many LGBTQ2 youth to leave home. In the majority of shelters, they experience the same kinds of bullying and violence so that they resort to living on the street as a safer place.
Abramovich’s research has contributed to two significant actions: a shelter in Toronto being assigned as an LGBTQ2 youth shelter and the former provincial government of Alberta starting a committee for academics, government officials and leaders from youth service organizations to tackle the problem there. It is becoming clear that any attempt to deal with homelessness in our cities must address LGBTQ2 youth homelessness and the phobias and bullying that contribute to it. Continued progress will depend on the will of Canadians and, significantly, Canadian politicians, to support vulnerable minorities such as LGBTQ2 youth.
For the Broadview article and further readings see:
https://broadview.org/researcher-tackles-homelessness-among-lgbtq2-youth/
Monday, May 6, 2019
Sports and Intersex Athletes
In the news this past week, there has been a lot of talk about a south African runner named Caster Semenya. This article from CBC is helpful to understanding the issues involved.
https://www.cbc.ca/sports/iaaf-caster-semenya-human-rights-1.5115453
https://www.cbc.ca/sports/iaaf-caster-semenya-human-rights-1.5115453
Monday, April 1, 2019
Reflection From Fawkes Conibear
This is the transcript from the wonderful reflection by Fawkes Conibear given at the March 24th service. Thank you, Fawkes, for allowing us to share it.
Introduction:
Hello, my name is Fawkes Conibear, I am a 28-year-old trans man and I use he/him pronouns. And, I am here to try and provide a perspective into the realities of the trans experience, and the needs of trans people, as it pertains to the church. While I have done my best to be true to the experiences of the broader trans community, I am only one person and won’t be able to address every topic.
Trans 101:
Before I get into the bulk of what I have to say I’m going to quickly define some terms. Starting with trans which is an umbrella term that covers many identities. In short, a “trans” person is anyone whose gender doesn’t align with gender they were raised as. This includes trans men and women, but also gender queer people who don’t fall into the gender binary. I, personally, was raised as a girl, transitioned as an adult, and now live as the man I am meant to be. The process of changing your gender is referred to as transitioning. Someone who has finished transitioning is said to have transitioned. Gender describes two different but related things. Gender identity refers to how someone feels in their head. While gender expression describes how someone lives their gender. This is the kind of gender we show other people. It’s our clothes, our hair style, our body language etc. While I could keep defining terms but this should give everyone enough of an understanding for the rest of what I have prepared and for welcoming trans people in your congregation.
Why am I here?
So, why am I here today? The easy answer is because Cindy asked me to be here. The truth is I didn’t say yes right away. I wasn’t sure what I would talk about. Yes, being trans has had a huge impact on my life, but simultaneously, because it’s my everyday reality I don’t spend much time thinking about it. Most days I spend more time thinking about my glasses than I do about being trans. This made picking a focus difficult. What’s the point of travelling here and speaking if I don’t have anything to say? Anyone can get up and give a list of definitions. I could tell my coming out story, but that felt self-centered and wouldn’t add anything to the greater dialogue. While I’m not just an Easter and Christmas person, church isn’t a place I typically consider home, and I’m not currently an active member of any congregation. I didn’t know how to frame my experiences in a way that a congregation would be able to act upon them. Eventually it dawned on me. What is something that is important for church attendees and trans people alike: community.
One of the most difficult things about being trans is the sense of isolation it can often create. It can be difficult to find other trans people, and even more difficult to find trans people that share similar interests and hobbies. Despite the increasing amount of press, there aren’t really that many of us. Thus we find ourselves relying on online communities. These communities can be an excellent place to learn and commiserate. They’re a place we can finally be our unedited selves and feel free from judgement because these groups often have strict rules to protect members and will enforce bans on people who violate the rules. Friendships are formed in these groups but often they’re long distance. This leaves trans people vulnerable, especially for people who are early in their transition, still living at home, or are otherwise reliant on family.
There is a real fear that every trans person must face. Do I stay as I am now, and keep my family, or, do I transition and risk losing my family. Thankfully, things are changing, and more people are accepting, but you’d be hard pressed to find someone who transitioned as an adult that didn’t have to face this moment. One of the most frightening things I’ve ever had to do was tell my parents I was trans. I did it in an email, because after months of procrastinating I couldn’t keep it hidden any longer. I had previously come out as gay, and knew they were accepting of that, but I had no idea what their views were on trans people. I knew family was important to them, but I also knew given their jobs as a police officer and former corrections nurse if they had knowingly encountered trans people, it would have been through the criminal justice system; which is probably the worst way to learn about anyone.
With time everything has worked out between myself and my family. There were some growing pains early on, but with a lot of love and patience on all sides I have a closer, more honest relationship with them than was ever possible before. I am glad for how things turned out, but I wouldn’t wish that fear and uncertainty on anyone. Yet, it’s a fear many trans people live with everyday. The internet is full of people asking for help because their parents don’t understand, or stories of people who no longer talk to their family. During her undergrad at the University of Ottawa my wife was briefly, and unexpectedly roommates with a trans man because he had gone home for the holidays, told his parents he was trans, and promptly kicked out of his home. It’s common advice to tell people to have a back-up plan if they still live at home when they start to transition. “Make sure you have a couch to crash on, just in case” is a phrase that shows up in most discussion with anyone who still lives at home. “Wait until you move out”, “You should probably find a job first, just in case”. In 2013, it was estimated that half of all street involved youth in Ottawa identified as LGBTQ. This isn’t a theoretical problem, and it’s not a problem that applies to other people, or other cities. This is a problem today, and it’s a problem in Ottawa.
What now?
These are awful, and depressing things. I know they are difficult to listen to but, hopefully amongst all the thoughts and emotions in the room right now there’s also something else: a call to action, a desire to do something. The next question is of course, but what. What can I do? What can we do? There are many answers to these questions, but I am going to focus on one: community. Be a place where trans people can be open. Be explicit in your openness. Don’t just imply that trans people are welcome, say it, show it, live it. Anywhere you’ve added a pride flag, add a trans flag. When you greet new people say your name and pronouns. Let people decide for themselves which washroom they want to use.
Trans people so often find themselves without support systems and communities. These little things will mean so much to any new or visiting trans people. It gives us a place to turn when we feel like the world has forgotten about us. It lets us know that we’re not just allowed to be here but that we’re wanted here. It tells us that we are not alone.
Introduction:
Hello, my name is Fawkes Conibear, I am a 28-year-old trans man and I use he/him pronouns. And, I am here to try and provide a perspective into the realities of the trans experience, and the needs of trans people, as it pertains to the church. While I have done my best to be true to the experiences of the broader trans community, I am only one person and won’t be able to address every topic.
Trans 101:
Before I get into the bulk of what I have to say I’m going to quickly define some terms. Starting with trans which is an umbrella term that covers many identities. In short, a “trans” person is anyone whose gender doesn’t align with gender they were raised as. This includes trans men and women, but also gender queer people who don’t fall into the gender binary. I, personally, was raised as a girl, transitioned as an adult, and now live as the man I am meant to be. The process of changing your gender is referred to as transitioning. Someone who has finished transitioning is said to have transitioned. Gender describes two different but related things. Gender identity refers to how someone feels in their head. While gender expression describes how someone lives their gender. This is the kind of gender we show other people. It’s our clothes, our hair style, our body language etc. While I could keep defining terms but this should give everyone enough of an understanding for the rest of what I have prepared and for welcoming trans people in your congregation.
Why am I here?
So, why am I here today? The easy answer is because Cindy asked me to be here. The truth is I didn’t say yes right away. I wasn’t sure what I would talk about. Yes, being trans has had a huge impact on my life, but simultaneously, because it’s my everyday reality I don’t spend much time thinking about it. Most days I spend more time thinking about my glasses than I do about being trans. This made picking a focus difficult. What’s the point of travelling here and speaking if I don’t have anything to say? Anyone can get up and give a list of definitions. I could tell my coming out story, but that felt self-centered and wouldn’t add anything to the greater dialogue. While I’m not just an Easter and Christmas person, church isn’t a place I typically consider home, and I’m not currently an active member of any congregation. I didn’t know how to frame my experiences in a way that a congregation would be able to act upon them. Eventually it dawned on me. What is something that is important for church attendees and trans people alike: community.
One of the most difficult things about being trans is the sense of isolation it can often create. It can be difficult to find other trans people, and even more difficult to find trans people that share similar interests and hobbies. Despite the increasing amount of press, there aren’t really that many of us. Thus we find ourselves relying on online communities. These communities can be an excellent place to learn and commiserate. They’re a place we can finally be our unedited selves and feel free from judgement because these groups often have strict rules to protect members and will enforce bans on people who violate the rules. Friendships are formed in these groups but often they’re long distance. This leaves trans people vulnerable, especially for people who are early in their transition, still living at home, or are otherwise reliant on family.
There is a real fear that every trans person must face. Do I stay as I am now, and keep my family, or, do I transition and risk losing my family. Thankfully, things are changing, and more people are accepting, but you’d be hard pressed to find someone who transitioned as an adult that didn’t have to face this moment. One of the most frightening things I’ve ever had to do was tell my parents I was trans. I did it in an email, because after months of procrastinating I couldn’t keep it hidden any longer. I had previously come out as gay, and knew they were accepting of that, but I had no idea what their views were on trans people. I knew family was important to them, but I also knew given their jobs as a police officer and former corrections nurse if they had knowingly encountered trans people, it would have been through the criminal justice system; which is probably the worst way to learn about anyone.
With time everything has worked out between myself and my family. There were some growing pains early on, but with a lot of love and patience on all sides I have a closer, more honest relationship with them than was ever possible before. I am glad for how things turned out, but I wouldn’t wish that fear and uncertainty on anyone. Yet, it’s a fear many trans people live with everyday. The internet is full of people asking for help because their parents don’t understand, or stories of people who no longer talk to their family. During her undergrad at the University of Ottawa my wife was briefly, and unexpectedly roommates with a trans man because he had gone home for the holidays, told his parents he was trans, and promptly kicked out of his home. It’s common advice to tell people to have a back-up plan if they still live at home when they start to transition. “Make sure you have a couch to crash on, just in case” is a phrase that shows up in most discussion with anyone who still lives at home. “Wait until you move out”, “You should probably find a job first, just in case”. In 2013, it was estimated that half of all street involved youth in Ottawa identified as LGBTQ. This isn’t a theoretical problem, and it’s not a problem that applies to other people, or other cities. This is a problem today, and it’s a problem in Ottawa.
What now?
These are awful, and depressing things. I know they are difficult to listen to but, hopefully amongst all the thoughts and emotions in the room right now there’s also something else: a call to action, a desire to do something. The next question is of course, but what. What can I do? What can we do? There are many answers to these questions, but I am going to focus on one: community. Be a place where trans people can be open. Be explicit in your openness. Don’t just imply that trans people are welcome, say it, show it, live it. Anywhere you’ve added a pride flag, add a trans flag. When you greet new people say your name and pronouns. Let people decide for themselves which washroom they want to use.
Trans people so often find themselves without support systems and communities. These little things will mean so much to any new or visiting trans people. It gives us a place to turn when we feel like the world has forgotten about us. It lets us know that we’re not just allowed to be here but that we’re wanted here. It tells us that we are not alone.
Monday, March 18, 2019
Guest Speaker Fawkes Conibear - March 24
On March 24, we will have the opportunity to hear Fawkes Conibear tell his story. Hear is a brief introduction to Fawkes.
Fawkes Conibear is a 28 year old trans man who enjoys cycling
and board games. He currently lives in Montreal with his wife Colleen
and their hamster Timbit. In the fall, he will be returning to school at
the University of Guelph to persue an undergraduate degree in geography
with the intention of becoming a rural planner. He wants to help
communities address the accessibility needs of all of their citizens
while focusing on eco-concious design.
If you would like to read a bit about transgender ahead of the presentation, we have some resources on this blog.
"T" Stands for "Transgender" : https://affirmkuc.blogspot.com/2019/01/t-stands-for-transgender.html
How is it that Some People are Transgender? : https://affirmkuc.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-origins-of-being-transgender-have.html
Transgender and a Choice of Gender Identity : https://affirmkuc.blogspot.com/2019/02/transgender-and-choice-for-gender.html
After the service, Fawkes will be available for a discussion in the Fireside Room. Please come and chat with him.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
Transgender - A Parent's Experience
Rick
Prashaw, former priest and proud dad of a transgender kid, talks about his
family’s transformation.
Link to a
CBC podcast on February 8, 2019
Link to
an Ottawa Citizen article on February 22, 2019 introducing
Rick
Prashaw’s book - Soar, Adam, Soar
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