Thursday, June 27, 2019

In Support of Ladner United Church

I was visiting British Columbia, last week, and saw this on the TV in the breakfast room of our hotel.

https://bc.ctvnews.ca/it-s-very-hurtful-pride-flag-defaced-outside-ladner-church-again-1.4469037





I was thinking how sad this was and thinking I needed to pass this on to the other members of the Affirm Team.

Then I heard the man at the next table say to his dining companion “Why in hell would a church have a flag like THAT.”

My first response was to throw my coffee at him, but thought better of it. After all we needed a place to stay for a few more nights. Instead, I sat and steamed.

Now that I have had time to think about this, I would like to tell that gentleman why a church would have a flag like that. It is because we are called to love our neighbours. It is an open sign of loving support for the LGBTQ2+ community and a sign to all that this is a safe place.

I will be writing a letter of support to Ladner United Church. I will have it at church on Sunday, if anyone else would like to sign the letter. If you won't be there on sunday, send us an email and I will add your name to the letter. affirm@kuc.ca

As we seek to become an affirming church, may we have the courage to show the community what we believe.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Affirm - A Parents Perspective

Awhile ago, I was asked why I felt called to participate in the Affirm process. I realized that I had never been fully open about why I feel I must be involved.

I am a Mama Bear. I belong to a loosely organized group of Christian Mothers of LGBTQ+ children. We call ourselves Mama Bears because we want to protect our children from anyone who might hurt them.

I am the proud mother of the Vice President of Pride in his community. He has become a social justice warrior for the LGBTQ community in the Maritimes, working to fight conversion therapy and homelessness. He also really enjoys helping at the Safe Spaces teen dances, where he provides health care information and first aid as required.

For many mothers, their own first response to learning that their child is gay or transgender, is a belief their child will go to hell. Their church has told them that homosexuality is a sin. That gender is either male or female, and determined by God at birth, or before, and no one has the right to change that.  Many have to leave behind their friends and their church to find a place where they can protect their family.

I am lucky. When my son finally decided that he could “come out” to his parents, we were already in a place where, for our family, it was no big deal. We both knew gays and lesbians and we understood that this was the way people were born, not a lifestyle choice.

Unfortunately, the United Church was in the midst of debating whether we should sanctify same sex marriage. I had already lived through, and been shocked by some attitudes, during our struggles to confirm LGBT ordination. I feared that my family would be hurt by the words of those who still felt that sexual orientation was a life style choice.

I chose the coward’s route. I felt a strong need to protect my son and myself. So, I suggested that my sons, both members of this church, enter into the discussions, without making it personal. On the day of the vote, I managed to be out of town, at a meeting of a charity I was working for. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and the family agreed that it was better if I wasn’t there.  We had agreed as a family that we would quietly leave Kanata United Church if the congregation chose not to sanctify same sex marriage.

You see, when you are the parent of a gay child, you often have no idea who you can tell without being hurt. You really don’t want to hear what other people think. You love your child and they are no different today then they were before they announced that they were gay. You fear that child will be bullied or worse, because of who they are. The last place you want to see them bullied is at church, in the name of Christianity. However, I wouldn’t want him to be anyone other than who he is.

When we talk about safe spaces, we are talking about safe spaces for everyone. Parents and grandparents, siblings and friends of the LGBTQ2+ need to feel they can talk about their family members openly.

I am older now. I am somewhat stronger now. I am a proud Mama Bear. I am the mother of two sons. I am the mother-in-law of their partners. I am Nana to a wonderful grandson, and to 6 furbabies. I love them all and want to protect them from the world.

In 2017, when there was an appeal for volunteers to guide the Affirm process, I felt called to stand up and say that this is what I want for my sons, their partners and especially for my grandson. I want my church to be an open, inclusive, affirming congregation. I want it to be a place where parents aren’t afraid to tell their church friends that their child is in a same sex relationship. Or that their child is a transgender person. I want every child to be celebrated for who they are, and Kanata United to be a safe space for all.