Christmas - A New Commandment

John 13:34-36 (NRSV)
 

³⁴ I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Advent 4 - Love

It is difficult for us to think of a more powerful word than LOVE.  If asked to convey or share the magic of love many will think of hearts, family, health, caring, happiness, trust, passion, friends, warmth, home, forever and on and on and on.  Powerful images.  The love of Jesus is central to our belief and theology as Christians.  The love Jesus shared with us and the love we share for all humanity.  

During this advent season think about those in our church community, neighbourhood, country and world that could use more love - there are many that have been harmed or hurt.  Many in the LGBTQ2 community have lost the love of family or friends simply because of their sexual orientation - who they love.  Why are we hurting?  What have we done?  When will we be loved?  Be especially sensitive to those around you that require strong role models, a loving hug, support and acceptance - showing acts of kindness, respect and love to all people is a positive message that breaks down barriers to hate, hurt and injustice.

A video of LOVE

 

Small and intentional acts - to make the world a better place - may the season and giving of advent continue forever.  May we all be blessed to be loved by many and share this gift with all.  Amen.     

Advent 3 - Joy

JOY – did you ever go to summer camp?  Can you remember the joy you experienced i.e.  swimming, playing games, camp fires, water sports or music, arts & crafts. 

Camp Ten Oaks is an Ottawa camp for LGBTQ children and children of families who identify.  As one camper said, “Ten Oaks. It’s a break from the homophobia I face every day”.

Hear the Joy when you read some of the Inspiring change stories from the website at -  http://www.tenoaksproject.org/  A donation to Camp Ten Oaks would help bring JOY to a camper this summer.

Following is Sherman’s story –
Sherman
15 years old
Camper since 2011

I’m not like every other teenager and I never will be. But Camp Ten Oaks has shown me that I can be whoever I want to be. And, nobody can ever judge me for that.

I came out as gay when I was 13. I was severely bullied at school and it felt like there was nothing I could do about it. My social worker suggested I go to Camp Ten Oaks and that moment changed my life.

I’ve now been to camp for three years in a row, but I remember not knowing what I signed up for that first year. I’m not normally an outdoors-y person and camp is, well, it’s quite rustic. I couldn’t believe it – not much electricity, outhouses, and never ending stairs!

After a few days though, none of that mattered. I was just having the best time ever.

For the first time I felt like I belonged. There are so many amazing people at camp. Ten Oaks was the first place I felt that nobody judged me. I can’t even put that feeling into words – it’s liberating – the best feeling in the world.

Every summer I’ve gone back to camp, it’s affected my life for the rest of the year. Because of Camp Ten Oaks, I can be more myself than I’ve ever been.

I want to thank everyone with my life who makes camp possible. The Ten Oaks Project has helped and changed me in a way nothing else could.

Advent 2 - Affirming Peace

As we mark the second Sunday of Advent - PEACE, think of our present context of wars, conflict and struggle and how for many of us we turn to the peace that Jesus shared and taught us.  How we greet each other on Sunday with the passing of the peace.  A smile or a friendly wave to a friend or neighbour.  The internal calmness we find in prayer or mindful practice.  Yet, sadly, for many LGBTQ2, the struggle is real, constant and exhausting war of self-attrition, self-doubt and self-worth.  Sometimes feeling at peace with ourselves and at peace with ourselves as Christian and for many rarely feeling completely at peace with both.  Society and organized religion have made this difficult for many.

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me
Let There Be Peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be”

What can one do to help bring peace?  Social and justice advocacy is empowering for many and a very important step to ensure many silent voices are heard.  Currently in Ontario the progress made by the LGBTQ2 communities is called into question.  Many need the silent voices to be spoken.  A few suggestions to make your voice heard and bring peace:

Participate in the Ministry of Education Consultation: Education in Ontario (deadline December 15, 2018):  https://www.ontario.ca/page/for-the-parents

Write to your Member of Parliament – for Kanata-Carleton:  https://www.ola.org/en/members/all/merrilee-fullerton

Support mental health initiatives:  https://cmha.ca/

Consider volunteering or a financial donation to an LGBTQ2-friendly charity.

KUC can be a powerful voice and be a light of peace just as Jesus shared with us and what so many during this Advent season long for.

Advent 1- Affirming Hope

Being gay, lesbian, bisexual of transgender is illegal in 80 countries in the world. Ten of these countries have the death penalty for homosexuality.

According to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), refugees are displaced persons who "owing to a well-founded fear of being persecuted for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group or political opinion, is outside the country of his nationality, and is unable to, or, owing to such fear, is unwilling to avail himself of the protection of that country."

In 1991, Canada became the first country in the world to grant refugee status due to persecution based on sexual orientation. In 1993, the parameters of "belonging to a specific social group" were defined to explicitly accept LGBT/GSM refugees. Our country is able to give HOPE to people who are not accepted as “good citizen” in much of the rest of the world.

Earlier this year, we watched as a couple, who had hoped to find refuge in a Western Country, were separated by authorities in Turkey because one of the men needed medical care and the Turkish government didn’t recognize them as a family. Members of the Vancouver Rainbow Refugee Group were able to sponsor them into Canada, in September.

In Ottawa, I found some groups sponsoring LGBTQ refugees.  Capital Rainbow Refuge, Rainbow New Beginnings, and Northern Lights Refuge are all doing work in the Ottawa area to bring refugees to the capital area. You can find information about them on Facebook.

Summary of Snack and Learn - November 18, 2018

Affirming Snack and Learn Results:
“The Conversation Continues…” November 18, 2018
The following is a detailed list of the responses from the participants as recorded by scribes. The purpose of the event was to give congregants an opportunity to hear from a speaker from an Affirming church and then to discuss what resonated for them and what their hopes and fears are of the process. The information will be very helpful for the Affirming Task Group while planning and providing process activities. It is hoped that the congregants benefitted from the discussions and felt heard and respected in their feelings and opinions.
The Affirm Task Group provided the “Snack and Learn” event in the church hall. To include as many congregants as possible, the service was started in the church as usual. Then, before the end of the service, everyone was invited to go to the church hall for the “Snack and Learn” and then the end of the service. Approximately 100 congregants attended in the Church Hall. Derek Kitchen, a gay member of Trinity United, an Affirming Ministry, was invited to speak about his experience as a member of Trinity’s Affirming task force. Derek spoke of his experience in the process and of Trinity’s congregants experiences. Afterwards, the attendees, seated 10 per table, were asked to discuss essentially two questions:
1.    What did Derek say that resonated most closely with you?
2.    What are your hopes and fears for KUC as an Affirming Congregation?
A scribe sitting at each table summarized the comments and questions heard at their table and then reported to the whole group. The comments were captured in brief on easel-paper. Every group participant was encouraged to speak openly and authentically and those listening were encouraged to respond respectfully. At the end, each scribe offered a closing prayer. Some of these prayers were passed in and appear at the end.
Here are the results as taken from the scribes’ notes. In case it will useful, the tables are numbered 1 through 9 (the 10th table combined with another table) The table number is given after each comment. There is no intention to identify individuals with comments. The intention is to show the diversity of thoughts, opinions and questions at all tables.
Question 1: What did Derek say that resonated most closely with you?
(Note that there are many general comments and questions interspersed with answers to the actual question.  All legible comments are included.)
-    The suicide statistics given by Derek resonated with those at five tables (1,2, 4, 6, 8). Adjectives noted they were “troubling”, “terrible”, “shocking”. 
-    I think I am accepting but I’m not sure. Not sure how to ask questions. (2)
-    Surprised at how long it took Trinity United (3 years) (2, 5)
-    Trinity’s shift to acceptance resonated. (3)
-    We don’t reject people here at KUC. (3)
-    I have a background in music and theatre and so have been working with gay people for many years. I feel comfortable with them. (3)
-    Transgender is complicated to understand (3)
-    Derek described parents coming up to him first whispering about their gay family members, now sharing with more confidence at Trinity. (3)
-    How do we get the welcome word out? (3)
-    The last thing I think about is sexual orientation! Is it really necessary to distinguish? (3)
-    How is this different? Why do we have to do this since we have been welcoming for a long time. (4)
-    Would we know how to welcome a trans person? (4)
-    Struck by Derek’s last story about a trans woman in isolation (5)
-    It seemed that Trinity’s process went fairly easily (5)
-    Noticed when Derek said that watering down the process could affect credibility (5)
-    Interesting how Trinity shifted from non-support to support and greater understanding of LGBT issues. (5)
-    We pay lip service. (6)
-    Anything that can save lives (from suicide) is important. The risk is high (6)
-    We need to recognize difference in kids when they are younger. (6)
-    Struck that people actually have waited for their parents to die before coming out. (7)
-    There is so much in the press about other religions. We are putting everything on the table. It’s an issue of truth! You should be able to talk about everything. Confirms our conviction as Christians. (7)
-    Now at Trinity, people can speak openly (8)
-    Interested to know how many people are “coming out” at Trinity.(8)
-    Comfort in discussion and more people are attending. (8)
-    At Trinity they have a greater depth of understanding and range in age (8)
-    Children at Trinity are in an open and understanding environment (8)
-    Length of process daunting to some yet necessary. (8)
-    Regarding KUC, there was a crisis in the 80’s when Peter Lougheed was minister and marriage of same-sex couples was accepted. Those against LGBTQ acceptance left. Perhaps the congregation we have left will be more accepting. Others thought that non-acceptance still exists (9)
-    We are all God’s children even from different backgrounds. (9)
-    We want to be open but it is hard to understand minorities. (?)
-    It is good that we call the Christmas dinner social, an “adult social” rather than a “couples social” so as not to leave single people out. (?)
-    Maybe we exclude minorities unknowingly. (?)
Question 2: What are your hopes and fears for KUC as an Affirming Congregation?
People hoped:
-    The process can move along expediently (1)
-    That this discussion will help us to know each other better. Open discussion has a value in helping us understand others’ styles of living. (1)
-    For more open, honest conversation. (2)
-    That we get done with the job quickly (2)
-    That we will be welcoming and inclusive (2)
-    That we can cease to be judging and will no longer notice differences. (2)
-    That we will grow.(2)
-    That we are already affirming. (3)
-    That young people are more accepting than people who are older. (3)
-    That we have a protective role (3)
-    That we encourage people to be themselves (3)
-    For signs and invitations.
-    To become more inclusive, identification, gain people, more welcoming to the different not just LGBT, more discussion. (5)
-    For smooth transition. (6)
-    To become affirming (6)
-    To attend to the needs not just LGBTQ2 but also homeless and indigenous. (6)
-    For KUC as Affirming. (7)
-    That we will expand and not just shift the focus. (7)
-    That everyone’s opinion is respected and all feel welcome here (7)
-    That the doors open wider (8)
-    That the scope and breadth of process will encompass all marginalized groups. (8)
-    That the people participating today are not just the positive members and that those that did not attend today were not doing so out of negativism. (8)
-    That there is greater world understanding (8)
-    That we will improve how we welcome all newcomers (8)
-    For a better understanding of what “affirming” really means. (8)
-    For KUC to be different from what it is now (9)
-    For growth from knowledge and understanding of each other. (9)
-    That our actions are louder than our words. (?)
-    That we will gain an understanding of inner struggles (?)
-    In this process we are looking at ourselves, in a sense, navel-gazing. I think it would be interesting to have LGBTQ2 people come here and tell us what they notice or experience. (written by participant)
-    There is a clear belief among anti-gay groups that gays are child abusers and most child abusers are gay. Both beliefs are false, but that myth is still very commonly held. It needs to be brought out into the open or it will not be outgrown/overcome. (written by participant)
-    The biggest single factor in overcoming fear or distrust of LGBT…, people is getting to really know such people as friends and colleagues. This discussion may make more of our LGBT… members discuss their gender preferences with the congregation and some now concerned will realize that the people they fear are not a danger, they are already friends. (written by participant)
People feared:
-    Losing congregants. (1, 2, 5, 6, 9)
-    Not wanting to limit our attention to LGBTQ2, but rather, include other vulnerable populations. (1)
-    Over-emphasis on LGBTQ2. A wish to include everyone – people affected emotionally, financially, physically, mentally. (1)
-    This seems a recurring theme. Worry about pushing aside other issues. (2)
-    That the process will drag on (2)
-    That we will lose God on the way. (2)
-    The flag. A totally different look to the congregation. Are we ready? (3)
-    That our rather conservative community of North Kanata will be unaccepting of KUC’s stance on LGBTQ2. They might not come to our community fair, book fair etc. (3)
-    Our own discomfort. (3)
-    That we are excluding others by focusing on this. (5)
-    Losing track of diversity. (5)
-    What about other marginalized groups? (5)
-    Why not PTSD? (?)
-    Smugness about our accomplishments and that we take them for granted. (5)
-    Once affirming, some people may be against and maybe a backlash or bullying, not welcoming, undermining. (6)
-    Some people might not join if they see the Pride flag. (6)
-    By becoming Affirming, will we exclude a segment of congregation? (7)
-    Some may fear that we will become known as the Gay Church. (7)
-    That too much emphasis is placed on process to the exclusion of others. (8)
-    Fear for gay and transgender people having internal struggle and high suicide risk (9)
-    This becoming the whole focus as a church. What % are we really trying to accommodate? There are many other issues. We can only affirm so much. (9)
-    Don’t want to talk about it every Sunday (9)
-    Do we have to say about aboriginal land every time? Why don’t we talk about our soldiers every time? We don’t need to have it on central stage. Christmas is watered down to a Festive Holiday. (9)
-    After becoming Affirming, will we stop? (?)
Closing Prayers
-    Lord Jesus, help us with this growth of our discipleship. Help us to see the soul only in those that we meet and be blind to the differences -colour or faculties. (2)
-    We pray that we who are now at KUC be supported on this journey so that we are able to become a truly affirming church person by person, person to person. (3)
-    We pray for openness and acceptance, honesty and care, speaking out and listening with love to all of our community. (6)
-    We pray that everyone will be respected and feel welcome (7).

Suicide and LGBTQ2+

During our Learning session on November 18, Derek Kitchen mentioned the suicide statistics for young people in the LGBTQ2+ community.

I am posting a brief article about the US statistics regarding suicide and bullying. This was written by Liz Dryer and used with her permission.


October 18, 2018 is "Spirit Day," a day to consider how to stand up against the bullying of LGBT youths everywhere. Bullying and harassment, coupled with rejection, leads to this sobering statistic: LGBT youths are five times as likely to have attempted suicide as straight youth. This is a life issue. Please pray and work for an end to bullying of all kinds, and let the LGBT youth you know that they are God's beloved children and welcome in this beautiful world God created.
Here are the statistics:
• 85% of LGBT students report being verbally harassed.
• 63% of LGBT students report hearing homophobic remarks from teachers or the school staff.
• 57% of LGBT students feel unsafe because of their sexual orientations.
• 57% of LGBT students did not report experiences of bullying because they doubted that an intervention would occur.
• 63% of LGBT students who did report bullying said that the school did nothing or told them to ignore it.
• Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to straight youth.
• Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of straight youth.
• Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth who come from “highly rejecting” families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who have reported no or low levels of family rejection.
• In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt, and 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before age 25.
• Every instance of victimization of lesbian, gay and bisexual youth, such as physical harassment, or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on the average.
• Sources: The Trevor Project and GLSEN.


Egale has an excellent summary from Canada, that can be found here.


These are very sobering statistics. Affirming churches can help change these statistics.