Friday, December 10, 2021

Let's Celebrate!


On December 19, we will hold a service of celebration, both in person, in the sanctuary, and on Zoom, to mark the start of our Affirming Ministry. We are inviting other Affirming Congregations to join us. We will have a guest speaker, special music, and we will receive our certificate, designating us as a member congregation of Affirm United.

Unfortunately, the cake will have to wait ( we are hoping it can be part of our Pride service in June).  So here is a virtual cake, for now. If you click on the picture, it will take you to the recipe, if you would like to make your own.

Friday, October 22, 2021

Transgender Youth - In The News


Following is a link to the front page article of the Ottawa Citizen on Tuesday, October 19, 2021, “NEEDS OF TRANS YOUTH”.  In the article, Dr. Margaret Lawson, an endocrinologist at CHEO, draws attention to the need for timely mental health support for transgender youth.  She has been working at CHEO with trans youths for 16 years and notes that with greater support for trans youth they may have improved mental health as adults. 



On October 20th the front page article reported on a B.C. man traveling across Canada to protest hormone therapy for trans youth.  Ottawa Carleton District School Board advised the man would be demonstating at Broadview Public School.  Many parents, students and supporters for trans people turned out to reassure trans youth that they are loved.  Here is a link to the full article and a youtube interview with some of those in attendance.


Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Book Review - Gay Like Me by Richie Jackson

 

Richie Jackson and his first husband had twins boys by a surrogate mother.  They were born 3 months premature and one boy died.  Some years later the dad’s separated and Richie remarried Jordan.  Together they continued to raise their first son and then another.

This book is from Richie to their son explaining life in America from one gay man to another.  Their son is off to college and Dad wants to impart some knowledge to help along the way.  

The writing is very honest and direct.  Dad is very proud to know his son is gay but wants him also to know that America doesn’t see him as an equal…yet.

I appreciated the honesty of this book and Richie’s spirited perspective.

Gay Like Me is available from the Ottawa Public Library.

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Book Review - The Story of Silence by Alex Myers


The Story of Silence takes place in England in the 13th century.  It is about a boy named Silence, who is a girl.  Their father raised him as a boy because there was a royal decree that family’s possessions could not be passed to a female.

This book is for those who love fantasy with dragons, wizards and serpents.  I enjoyed reading a transgender story from centuries ago.

The Story of Silence is available at the Ottawa Public Library as a book and as an e-book.


Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Book Review - Over the Top by Jonathan Van Ness

 

Jonathan Van Ness is a hairstylist, podcaster, comedian and television personality living in New York City.  

As a boy growing up in Midwest USA, he constantly felt he didn’t fit in, was bullied and had to fight to find safety.  Then as a teen and adult he moved into self-destruction mode.  He needed great courage and determination to be himself.  

Jonathan is definitely an extrovert, very outlandish and loves every minute of it.  I enjoyed his stories as they are wild and let you in on a very different perspective.  His perspective helped me to learn and understand. 


Over The Top is available from the Ottawa Public Library as a book, e-book and an audio book.

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

Book Review - She's My Dad by Jonathon S. Williams

 


 

The author of this book, Jonathan S. Williams, is a pastor at a church in Brooklyn N.Y.  His Dad, Paula Stone Williams, is also a pastor.

 

As a married man, with a young son, Jonathan’s father Paul announces to all the family that he can no longer live as a man.  Paul first told his wife, then his grown daughters and last made the trip from Denver to Brooklyn to speak with his son, Jonathan.

 

All Jonathan’s life he has looked up to his father and followed in his Dad’s footsteps to become a pastor.   His father is his most trusted confidante.  While both men are open to the concept of LGBTQ, this news is devastating to Jonathan. 

 

She’s My Dad includes letters between father and son and describes Jonathan’s grief over losing his Dad and learning to accept his father, Paula.

 

I recommend this book for its insight into transition and how one’s transition affects oneself and each member of a family. 

She's My Dad is available in the Kanata United Church Library.

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Robert's Reflection on Our Journey

 


 

On June 13, Robert Ashton gave a reflection on our Affirm Discernment, in advance of the special congregational meeting. We are posting it here.

It is hard to imagine that some 40 months ago, Kanata United Church overwhelmingly supported an intentional educational discernment process to explore becoming an Affirming Ministry.  We’ve been through a lot. Our original journey was envisioned to last 24 months but when a pandemic gets in your way, you make adjustments. Reverend Cindy Casey, Kathy Beamish, Kate Chamberlain, Margaret McGarry, Muriel Richards and myself are your affirm leadership team that have put so much heart into our journey.  I am so very proud of this congregation in how they have embraced open conversation, topics that have stretched our understanding, being uncomfortable and growing. At the beginning we were pre-occupied with wondering why we were doing this and isn’t being welcoming enough? We explored gender identities, faced the reality that many beyond our walls search for safe spaces, we learned new vocabulary and I am hoping that most of you now know what LGBTQ2S means – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and 2 spirited. We’ve shared many stories and experiences and heard numerous personal testimonials of how this affects so many both right here at KUC and beyond. We have received tremendous support from Council, committees, staff and many volunteers who have woven our affirming messages so intricately into so many facets of KUC. And yes sometimes it has been uncomfortable, we’ve laughed, listened, questioned and cried.  Over the past few weeks Cindy has led us through an evening three-part conversation on our past, present and future. Our youth during each session asked so many wonderful questions and provided such rich observations and points to consider – I have so much hope for our future.


Affirming Ministries Program is a network of United Church of Canada Communities of Faith, Regional Councils, educational centres, camps, and chaplaincies that declare themselves to be fully inclusive of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. It asks each ministry to take the appropriate action and study and discern what it means to be publicly welcoming and fully inclusive. An Affirming Ministry goes beyond merely “welcoming” and opens our hearts and supports those whom the church has ignored, excluded or even condemned. Today, KUC will make a decision on whether to become such an Affirming Ministry.


As I stated earlier, we know KUC is already welcoming – this community of faith is awesome! Canada and Canadians are also welcoming and what abundance and privilege we enjoy in this vast land. We all know this. But then how in a country that is so welcoming, open, safe and the envy of the world, do we continue to struggle with reconciliation, islamophobia, homophobia and transphobia. In 2019 police reported 263 hate crimes targeting sexual orientation – some people will shrug and think that isn’t too many, but when I indicate to you that this is a 41% increase from 2018, does that get your attention? 1 hate crime is too much.  The reality as well is that the majority of hate crimes go unreported. This week in Mississauga, two teens were charged for removing and burning a pride flag. They further took a video and sent it to LGBTQ2S students of this high school – laughing and mocking – imagine the significant negative impact on the wellbeing of the youth in a school space that is meant to be safe, affirming and supportive receiving that video from their peers. Where does this hate come from? This same week, in Toronto a man and a friend were attacked by a group of people which started off by hurling homophobic insults and quickly turned violent – the one victim, who is gay, is hospitalized with a concussion and several broken bones. One of the perpetrators under investigation is CFL Ottawa Redblacks player Chris Larsen, aren’t our football players supposed to be role models? In a country as safe and accepting as Canada, in a city as diverse as Toronto, why are our communities not safe? Again, where does this hate come from? As the bible teaches us, aren’t we supposed to stand by those who are marginalized or threatened?   

 
In our public education spaces across Canada in some jurisdictions we have seen curtailing of advancements in curriculum as it relates to gender identity and sexual orientations. Politicians and special interest groups have embraced language that creates enabling environments where people are given “permission to hate” – this has been increasingly evidenced in the United States, Europe and here in Canada where political groups and segments of society are pitted against one another through very intentional disinformation and misinformation campaigns and the darkness of social media.

   
So we as a community of faith, what is our role in all of this? Is it enough to be just welcoming to everyone that walks through our doors? What do we owe our community around us? Is our focus for future generations simply good enough to be welcoming? The reality is that many conservative Christians have and continue to cause a great deal of suffering to those identifying with other sexual orientations by excluding and marginalizing them, promoting conversion therapy, boycotting gay-friendly corporations, banning marriage, damaging bonds between families and using their power and influence to claim to represent the bible and speak for God – they view affirming ministries as moral failures.

  
Now if Jesus were here today I wonder, what words of wisdom he would share. I like to think that Jesus didn’t always side with the bible and his teachings were sometimes at odds with the way. Jesus for certain hanged with the outcast and questioned authority, much to the dismay of the establishment. I for one would hope that he would put to rest that the bible verses of Leviticus and others used to condemn LGBTQ2S people today are taken out of context and that as many scholars now believe were translated and drafted on bias and rather instead relate to marital infidelity and rape – not the condemnation of homosexuality.  
Harvey Milk, stated that “If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities... the expression of love... then life itself loses its meaning”. 

  
There are many that dream of being part of a Christian community that is diverse, inclusive and a safe space that goes beyond welcoming. So by becoming Affirm, does it mean that KUC then becomes known as a gay church or that all of our programming will then be LGBTQ2S themed or that all members will have to attend the annual Ottawa pride parade – absolutely not. The wide variety of KUC programs, worship experiences, justice initiatives, outreach will all continue – there is room to incorporate affirming actions and we can make space for that too.  The motion and supporting motions that will be put towards you will allow the decision to be made, will KUC become an official Affirming Ministry or will we end our intentional educational discernment affirm journey. There are no do-overs or lets continue to explore and discuss. Today is the day. 


For some the choice is easy. For other, it may be a difficult decision and maybe you just don’t know. If you are struggling or conflicted or are unsure, I would ask you to think of your family, neighbours, future generations or just maybe, that slight possibility to imagine where KUC could be known as a safe space, where someone who is LGBTQ2S is struggling to find acceptance and love and where we as a community of faith can make life for that individual just a little bit easier – right here at Kanata United Church – a visible sign, like a rainbow of bright vibrant colours and as a sign that you are accepted, you are included, you are loved and you have a place right here. And lastly, I firmly believe, as Jesus experienced rejection and judgement, isn’t this what Jesus has called us to do and be. May the acceptance, inclusivity and openness of the spirit, Jesus and our creator shepherd us as we consider our ministry. Amen.     

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Westport Raises Pride Flags

 

Driving through Westport this week you’ll notice Pride flags flying.  Wesport residents, Jessica Roberts and Neil Kudrinko asked Westport Council to declare an official Pride Week, and raise a Pride flag. As they told CBC's Robyn Bresnahan, “It needs to be said outwardly that you are welcome here, you are safe here, and that your community has your back”.  People who identify as LGBTQ2+ need to know they are safe and Westport is showing that! 

When you are in Westport, Kudrinko’s grocer is an excellent store.  For a start, try the cheese bread they bake daily.


 
 
 
Jessica Roberts, left, and Neil Kudrinko, right have asked Wesport to erect a 'progress' Pride flag as a sign of support and inclusion. In addition to rainbow stripes, it includes a chevron meant to include BIPOC and trans people within the LGBTQ community. (Hallie Cotnam/CBC)

Friday, June 4, 2021

Let's Chat - June 3 - Imagining the Future

Our last Let's Chat focused on what a future as an Affirming Ministry might look like at Kanata United.

We first talked about outward signs to our community. Ideas included rainbow crosswalks, inviting the community to use our outdoor space, signs, flags. Most of the ideas involved letting the community know that ours is a safe space. 

We moved inward, to how we might show inclusion in our physical space, our groups and committees, and our worship. Learning to use inclusive language, continuing our efforts with learning events, the Affirm table, the library, and symbols on the bulletin boards and in our worship spaces. Music has always had a big presence in our church community and this is another place we can show inclusion.

Moving outside our space, we tried to dream big. Ideas included advocacy for seniors, helping LTC workers understand the issues, working toward an inclusive retirement residence. We also talked about working with local schools to provide resources, and space. Refugee sponsorship for people in danger because of their sexual orientation. 

We also discussed whether being openly affirming might dissuade people from coming to our church. 

The Affirm Leadership Team would like to thank everyone who came to our "Let's Chat" sessions. You came, you talked, you were open and thoughtful.  The group was made up of a wide representation of the congregation, all ages, old faces, and new. We feel ready, now, to move ahead with our congregational meeting on June 13.

We ask that you read the letter that we sent out this week, and "come" to church on June 13, as we vote on becoming an Affirming Ministry.

Friday, May 28, 2021

Let's Chat - May 27 - The Present

For those who were unable to participate in the "Let's Chat" discussion on May 27, focused on "The Present", here is a summary of the topics we discussed. I hope you will think about how you might have responded to these topics.

We started by looking at the world outside of Canada. In many countries in the world, same-sex relationships are still illegal and in some countries, the offense carries a death penalty. Canada was the first country in the world to recognize danger due to sexual orientation as grounds for a refugee claim. 

We next discussed "conversion therapy" which is the practice of trying to change an individual's sexual orientation using psychological, physical or spiritual interventions. Many of the practitioners of this "therapy' are ministers, or claim to be called by God. Parents often coerce their children into this "therapy" by telling them that they are not welcome in the family unless they change who they are. conversion therapy has lead to mental illness, homelessness, addiction and suicide in young people. In Canada, a bill banning this is currently in third reading.

We moved on to a discussion of Charter Rights in Canada. While the Charter promises equality regardless of sexual orientation, it also guarantees religious freedom, and these two guarantees are often at odds. Some examples are seen within religious based schools. Churches may discriminate based on sexual orientation.

We spent some time talking about young people and the kinds of initiatives are occurring within schools. We also touched on the internet and how social networking can be a good place for marginalized groups to get together, as well as a place where harm and abuse can occur.

Finally, we recognized that there is still work to be done for seniors. Same-sex couples in committed long term relationships are often forced to hide their orientation when one of the couple must move to long term care. The relationship is often not recognized or accommodated by the facility.  

We again finished with a discussion of how the vote to become an affirming ministry will be organized on June 13. We were all asked to tell 5 people about what is happening, and invite them to participate.

Our final "Let's Chat" session will be held on June 3 @7PM . At that time, we will talk about "The Future" and where becoming an affirming ministry could take us as a congregation. Please join us.

Friday, May 21, 2021

Let's Chat - May 20 - The Past

 For those who were unable to attend the May 20th "Let's Chat", this is a summary of the topics we discussed, with a focus on "the past".  I hope you consider these topics and think about what your own answers would be.

We started out discussing what we may have been taught or knew about  LGBTQ2+ when we were growing up. Was it sinful? Was it a mental illness? Were you taught one thing in Church and another at home?

Next we moved to the discussions and the eventual 1988 United Church General Council declaration that "all persons, regardless of sexual orientation, who profess their faith in Jesus Christ are welcome to be or become members of The United Church of Canada" and that "all members of the United Church are eligible to be considered for ordered ministry." 

Those who were attending KUC at this time, talked about the discussions at that time within our congregation, and how that made them feel.

We continued to the discussions and vote on same-sex marriage in about 2006. Again those who attended those discussions talked about their feelings.

We reflected on the divisions these two decisions caused within our congregation. We talked about what might happen after the Affirm vote.

As we wrapped up, we were asked to think about how we would never be asked to explicitly vote to include Blacks, Indigenous, or women, and why LGBTQ2+ might be different.

We finished with an outline of the parameters of the vote on June 13 when we will finally vote on becoming an Affirming Ministry.

We hope you can join us for our next"Let's Chat" session, May 27 at 7PM, when we will explore "the present".

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Pensions and Same Sex Spouses - CN

 On Monday, CBC reported a story about a man who had been denied a survivor's pension from CN because when his same sex partner had retired from CN in 1991, the pension plan did not recognize same sex relationships.

You can read the story here:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/ken-haire-cn-rail-harbour-grace-same-sex-marriage-1.6008873

 

Today, CN revised their position.

Read about it here:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/cn-updates-pension-same-sex-partners-1.6014784 

 

Sometimes, just shining a light on an inequity can cause change.

 

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Coming Out to Parents

 Being a member of the LGBTQ2+ community can lead to many risks and challenges to one's health, safety and overall well-being. Most parents are very aware of these risks. They long to protect their children from this. However, parents have a vital role to play in helping your children in their coming out.

For many LGBTQ2 the most difficult decision is to come out to family. The family is a primary support to children and youth and the need for acceptance and love when coming out is so very important. The research is clear that those youth who do not receive love and acceptance when coming out are more susceptible to suicide, substance abuse and have difficulty establishing trusting and lasting relationships.

A Mexican Doritos commercial "El mejor regalo" which means "the best gift" is based on a true story and went viral over the holidays reaching more than 15 million on Youtube alone. The story lovingly illustrates the actions that a father takes to support his son - take a look and grab a tissue.

https://www.out.com/media/2021/1/06/father-embraces-gay-son-and-his-boyfriend-sweet-doritos-ad  

Additional resources for families and parents:

https://www.thelinkottawa.ca/en/sexual-health/coming-out.aspx 

 
https://pflagcanada.ca/  


https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/ 

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Declaring the Sanctity of Life & Dignity of All

On December 16th, 2020 a groundbreaking event was held in London, England to declare the sanctity and dignity of LGBT+ lives. It was attended in person and virtually by religious leaders from around the world.  A Declaration was initiated at the meetiing seeking to end worldwide discrimination against LGBT+ including practices such as conversion therapy and crimiinalization of LGBT+ lives.
 
Over 370 religious leaders from numerous religions in 35 countries have signed the Declaration. The signatories include Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and eight other archbishops, the Catholic former president of Ireland Mary McAleese, more than 60 rabbis, and senior Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus and Buddhists.


At the same meeting, a Global Interfaith Commission on LGBT+ Lives was established. The purposes of the Commission include providing the authoritative voices of religious leaders seeking an end to discrimination against LGBT+ people worldwide.

The following link will take you to a short video showing some of these leaders speaking the words of the Declaration. The video is on the Commission website. Signatures of religious leaders continue to be gathered there.
https://globalinterfaith.lgbt
 
It should be noted that the Commission and the Declaration were celebrated at Westminster Abbey. This event was led by the Deans of Westminster and St. Paul's Cathedral and backed by the Government of the U.K. The worldwide Anglican Communion continues to be split over whether to acknowledge LGBT+ rights and full participation in Anglican life. Furthermore many religions worldwide do not acknowledge LGBT+ rights at all. The Declaration signatories are working to change this tragic situation.

We remain in hope that the new year will bring new acceptance for LGBTQ+ people worldwide and look forward to when we can meet with KUC members to determine KUC's commitment to becoming an Affirming Congregation within the United Church of Canada'.  

Further pertinent articles may be found at:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/dec/16/senior-faith-leaders-call-for-global-decriminalisation-of-lgbt-people?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/religious-leaders-call-for-global-ban-on-gay-conversion-therapies/ar-BB1bYPvd?fbclid=IwAR3tcRZtaZWvlqvOU-AEgVatsmhgREAE_V3cS14PrV3NQiIB--tcasmjq8g
 

Thursday, January 21, 2021