Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Robert's Reflection on Our Journey

 


 

On June 13, Robert Ashton gave a reflection on our Affirm Discernment, in advance of the special congregational meeting. We are posting it here.

It is hard to imagine that some 40 months ago, Kanata United Church overwhelmingly supported an intentional educational discernment process to explore becoming an Affirming Ministry.  We’ve been through a lot. Our original journey was envisioned to last 24 months but when a pandemic gets in your way, you make adjustments. Reverend Cindy Casey, Kathy Beamish, Kate Chamberlain, Margaret McGarry, Muriel Richards and myself are your affirm leadership team that have put so much heart into our journey.  I am so very proud of this congregation in how they have embraced open conversation, topics that have stretched our understanding, being uncomfortable and growing. At the beginning we were pre-occupied with wondering why we were doing this and isn’t being welcoming enough? We explored gender identities, faced the reality that many beyond our walls search for safe spaces, we learned new vocabulary and I am hoping that most of you now know what LGBTQ2S means – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and 2 spirited. We’ve shared many stories and experiences and heard numerous personal testimonials of how this affects so many both right here at KUC and beyond. We have received tremendous support from Council, committees, staff and many volunteers who have woven our affirming messages so intricately into so many facets of KUC. And yes sometimes it has been uncomfortable, we’ve laughed, listened, questioned and cried.  Over the past few weeks Cindy has led us through an evening three-part conversation on our past, present and future. Our youth during each session asked so many wonderful questions and provided such rich observations and points to consider – I have so much hope for our future.


Affirming Ministries Program is a network of United Church of Canada Communities of Faith, Regional Councils, educational centres, camps, and chaplaincies that declare themselves to be fully inclusive of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. It asks each ministry to take the appropriate action and study and discern what it means to be publicly welcoming and fully inclusive. An Affirming Ministry goes beyond merely “welcoming” and opens our hearts and supports those whom the church has ignored, excluded or even condemned. Today, KUC will make a decision on whether to become such an Affirming Ministry.


As I stated earlier, we know KUC is already welcoming – this community of faith is awesome! Canada and Canadians are also welcoming and what abundance and privilege we enjoy in this vast land. We all know this. But then how in a country that is so welcoming, open, safe and the envy of the world, do we continue to struggle with reconciliation, islamophobia, homophobia and transphobia. In 2019 police reported 263 hate crimes targeting sexual orientation – some people will shrug and think that isn’t too many, but when I indicate to you that this is a 41% increase from 2018, does that get your attention? 1 hate crime is too much.  The reality as well is that the majority of hate crimes go unreported. This week in Mississauga, two teens were charged for removing and burning a pride flag. They further took a video and sent it to LGBTQ2S students of this high school – laughing and mocking – imagine the significant negative impact on the wellbeing of the youth in a school space that is meant to be safe, affirming and supportive receiving that video from their peers. Where does this hate come from? This same week, in Toronto a man and a friend were attacked by a group of people which started off by hurling homophobic insults and quickly turned violent – the one victim, who is gay, is hospitalized with a concussion and several broken bones. One of the perpetrators under investigation is CFL Ottawa Redblacks player Chris Larsen, aren’t our football players supposed to be role models? In a country as safe and accepting as Canada, in a city as diverse as Toronto, why are our communities not safe? Again, where does this hate come from? As the bible teaches us, aren’t we supposed to stand by those who are marginalized or threatened?   

 
In our public education spaces across Canada in some jurisdictions we have seen curtailing of advancements in curriculum as it relates to gender identity and sexual orientations. Politicians and special interest groups have embraced language that creates enabling environments where people are given “permission to hate” – this has been increasingly evidenced in the United States, Europe and here in Canada where political groups and segments of society are pitted against one another through very intentional disinformation and misinformation campaigns and the darkness of social media.

   
So we as a community of faith, what is our role in all of this? Is it enough to be just welcoming to everyone that walks through our doors? What do we owe our community around us? Is our focus for future generations simply good enough to be welcoming? The reality is that many conservative Christians have and continue to cause a great deal of suffering to those identifying with other sexual orientations by excluding and marginalizing them, promoting conversion therapy, boycotting gay-friendly corporations, banning marriage, damaging bonds between families and using their power and influence to claim to represent the bible and speak for God – they view affirming ministries as moral failures.

  
Now if Jesus were here today I wonder, what words of wisdom he would share. I like to think that Jesus didn’t always side with the bible and his teachings were sometimes at odds with the way. Jesus for certain hanged with the outcast and questioned authority, much to the dismay of the establishment. I for one would hope that he would put to rest that the bible verses of Leviticus and others used to condemn LGBTQ2S people today are taken out of context and that as many scholars now believe were translated and drafted on bias and rather instead relate to marital infidelity and rape – not the condemnation of homosexuality.  
Harvey Milk, stated that “If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities... the expression of love... then life itself loses its meaning”. 

  
There are many that dream of being part of a Christian community that is diverse, inclusive and a safe space that goes beyond welcoming. So by becoming Affirm, does it mean that KUC then becomes known as a gay church or that all of our programming will then be LGBTQ2S themed or that all members will have to attend the annual Ottawa pride parade – absolutely not. The wide variety of KUC programs, worship experiences, justice initiatives, outreach will all continue – there is room to incorporate affirming actions and we can make space for that too.  The motion and supporting motions that will be put towards you will allow the decision to be made, will KUC become an official Affirming Ministry or will we end our intentional educational discernment affirm journey. There are no do-overs or lets continue to explore and discuss. Today is the day. 


For some the choice is easy. For other, it may be a difficult decision and maybe you just don’t know. If you are struggling or conflicted or are unsure, I would ask you to think of your family, neighbours, future generations or just maybe, that slight possibility to imagine where KUC could be known as a safe space, where someone who is LGBTQ2S is struggling to find acceptance and love and where we as a community of faith can make life for that individual just a little bit easier – right here at Kanata United Church – a visible sign, like a rainbow of bright vibrant colours and as a sign that you are accepted, you are included, you are loved and you have a place right here. And lastly, I firmly believe, as Jesus experienced rejection and judgement, isn’t this what Jesus has called us to do and be. May the acceptance, inclusivity and openness of the spirit, Jesus and our creator shepherd us as we consider our ministry. Amen.     

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Westport Raises Pride Flags

 

Driving through Westport this week you’ll notice Pride flags flying.  Wesport residents, Jessica Roberts and Neil Kudrinko asked Westport Council to declare an official Pride Week, and raise a Pride flag. As they told CBC's Robyn Bresnahan, “It needs to be said outwardly that you are welcome here, you are safe here, and that your community has your back”.  People who identify as LGBTQ2+ need to know they are safe and Westport is showing that! 

When you are in Westport, Kudrinko’s grocer is an excellent store.  For a start, try the cheese bread they bake daily.


 
 
 
Jessica Roberts, left, and Neil Kudrinko, right have asked Wesport to erect a 'progress' Pride flag as a sign of support and inclusion. In addition to rainbow stripes, it includes a chevron meant to include BIPOC and trans people within the LGBTQ community. (Hallie Cotnam/CBC)

Friday, June 4, 2021

Let's Chat - June 3 - Imagining the Future

Our last Let's Chat focused on what a future as an Affirming Ministry might look like at Kanata United.

We first talked about outward signs to our community. Ideas included rainbow crosswalks, inviting the community to use our outdoor space, signs, flags. Most of the ideas involved letting the community know that ours is a safe space. 

We moved inward, to how we might show inclusion in our physical space, our groups and committees, and our worship. Learning to use inclusive language, continuing our efforts with learning events, the Affirm table, the library, and symbols on the bulletin boards and in our worship spaces. Music has always had a big presence in our church community and this is another place we can show inclusion.

Moving outside our space, we tried to dream big. Ideas included advocacy for seniors, helping LTC workers understand the issues, working toward an inclusive retirement residence. We also talked about working with local schools to provide resources, and space. Refugee sponsorship for people in danger because of their sexual orientation. 

We also discussed whether being openly affirming might dissuade people from coming to our church. 

The Affirm Leadership Team would like to thank everyone who came to our "Let's Chat" sessions. You came, you talked, you were open and thoughtful.  The group was made up of a wide representation of the congregation, all ages, old faces, and new. We feel ready, now, to move ahead with our congregational meeting on June 13.

We ask that you read the letter that we sent out this week, and "come" to church on June 13, as we vote on becoming an Affirming Ministry.

Friday, May 28, 2021

Let's Chat - May 27 - The Present

For those who were unable to participate in the "Let's Chat" discussion on May 27, focused on "The Present", here is a summary of the topics we discussed. I hope you will think about how you might have responded to these topics.

We started by looking at the world outside of Canada. In many countries in the world, same-sex relationships are still illegal and in some countries, the offense carries a death penalty. Canada was the first country in the world to recognize danger due to sexual orientation as grounds for a refugee claim. 

We next discussed "conversion therapy" which is the practice of trying to change an individual's sexual orientation using psychological, physical or spiritual interventions. Many of the practitioners of this "therapy' are ministers, or claim to be called by God. Parents often coerce their children into this "therapy" by telling them that they are not welcome in the family unless they change who they are. conversion therapy has lead to mental illness, homelessness, addiction and suicide in young people. In Canada, a bill banning this is currently in third reading.

We moved on to a discussion of Charter Rights in Canada. While the Charter promises equality regardless of sexual orientation, it also guarantees religious freedom, and these two guarantees are often at odds. Some examples are seen within religious based schools. Churches may discriminate based on sexual orientation.

We spent some time talking about young people and the kinds of initiatives are occurring within schools. We also touched on the internet and how social networking can be a good place for marginalized groups to get together, as well as a place where harm and abuse can occur.

Finally, we recognized that there is still work to be done for seniors. Same-sex couples in committed long term relationships are often forced to hide their orientation when one of the couple must move to long term care. The relationship is often not recognized or accommodated by the facility.  

We again finished with a discussion of how the vote to become an affirming ministry will be organized on June 13. We were all asked to tell 5 people about what is happening, and invite them to participate.

Our final "Let's Chat" session will be held on June 3 @7PM . At that time, we will talk about "The Future" and where becoming an affirming ministry could take us as a congregation. Please join us.

Friday, May 21, 2021

Let's Chat - May 20 - The Past

 For those who were unable to attend the May 20th "Let's Chat", this is a summary of the topics we discussed, with a focus on "the past".  I hope you consider these topics and think about what your own answers would be.

We started out discussing what we may have been taught or knew about  LGBTQ2+ when we were growing up. Was it sinful? Was it a mental illness? Were you taught one thing in Church and another at home?

Next we moved to the discussions and the eventual 1988 United Church General Council declaration that "all persons, regardless of sexual orientation, who profess their faith in Jesus Christ are welcome to be or become members of The United Church of Canada" and that "all members of the United Church are eligible to be considered for ordered ministry." 

Those who were attending KUC at this time, talked about the discussions at that time within our congregation, and how that made them feel.

We continued to the discussions and vote on same-sex marriage in about 2006. Again those who attended those discussions talked about their feelings.

We reflected on the divisions these two decisions caused within our congregation. We talked about what might happen after the Affirm vote.

As we wrapped up, we were asked to think about how we would never be asked to explicitly vote to include Blacks, Indigenous, or women, and why LGBTQ2+ might be different.

We finished with an outline of the parameters of the vote on June 13 when we will finally vote on becoming an Affirming Ministry.

We hope you can join us for our next"Let's Chat" session, May 27 at 7PM, when we will explore "the present".

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Pensions and Same Sex Spouses - CN

 On Monday, CBC reported a story about a man who had been denied a survivor's pension from CN because when his same sex partner had retired from CN in 1991, the pension plan did not recognize same sex relationships.

You can read the story here:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/ken-haire-cn-rail-harbour-grace-same-sex-marriage-1.6008873

 

Today, CN revised their position.

Read about it here:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/cn-updates-pension-same-sex-partners-1.6014784 

 

Sometimes, just shining a light on an inequity can cause change.

 

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Coming Out to Parents

 Being a member of the LGBTQ2+ community can lead to many risks and challenges to one's health, safety and overall well-being. Most parents are very aware of these risks. They long to protect their children from this. However, parents have a vital role to play in helping your children in their coming out.

For many LGBTQ2 the most difficult decision is to come out to family. The family is a primary support to children and youth and the need for acceptance and love when coming out is so very important. The research is clear that those youth who do not receive love and acceptance when coming out are more susceptible to suicide, substance abuse and have difficulty establishing trusting and lasting relationships.

A Mexican Doritos commercial "El mejor regalo" which means "the best gift" is based on a true story and went viral over the holidays reaching more than 15 million on Youtube alone. The story lovingly illustrates the actions that a father takes to support his son - take a look and grab a tissue.

https://www.out.com/media/2021/1/06/father-embraces-gay-son-and-his-boyfriend-sweet-doritos-ad  

Additional resources for families and parents:

https://www.thelinkottawa.ca/en/sexual-health/coming-out.aspx 

 
https://pflagcanada.ca/  


https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/